Not too long ago someone made me one of those traffic stopping, destiny altering, offers of a lifetime. To say I was blown away would be a gross understatement.
I was bowled over….
I was over the moon…
A few days later, I was supposed to start the groundwork that would enable this “golden opportunity” to happen. I kept stalling…I made a few phone calls, walked into some offices…but really did nothing.
I was baffled at myself…like seriously
Wachu, you don’t realize what’s at stake, why are you dragging your feet?
One day passed, another one went by…. Then I fell sick…
I had a fever, breakouts on my face, my body was in so much pain I could barely move…. it was horrible. A first, I blamed it on the weather, which has been so erratic so I figured the shifting temps might be causing my body to shut down….
I dragged myself to a friends birthday dinner although I could barely eat, and my friends were determined I was with child. The nausea, the heart palpitations…hmmmm…
The next day I decided to try out an old trick that my mother taught me years ago.
I brought out my very unused yoga mat, lit some candles, put on some classic music- Pachelbel and did some deep breathing.
When I was very calm I started thinking through all the stuff in my life, big and small.
As each thought came to the fore of my mind I would ‘listen’ intently to how my body would respond to those thoughts. It was a mish mash of emotions and feelings, but all consistent, my heart, body and brain were all aligned on how they felt about these things.
Work – boring, work no 2. –exciting, family – love, friends- yay, my long-term crush- dreamy sigh, dreams, goals, ambitions.
Then, I started thinking about this “golden opportunity” and it was insane…suddenly; my heart was pounding, I got an instant headache, I was so hot and flushed and thoroughly nauseated…. My body was revolting.
It then occurred to me that this was not a still small voice from the universe saying no, this was a loud, thunderclap, writing in the skies sign that this “opportunity” was just not right.
I decided in that moment that I was not going to do it, even if it killed me. I remember crying, I don’t know if it was tears of sadness or relief…. I was experiencing both emotions in real time. My body immediately felt more energized, I could feel the pressure on my heart easing…. but I was also sad, very sad, what if such a chance never comes again, what if I will grow old and wrinkly and on my death bed I will regret not having gone for it……..
When I told my sisters that I was not taking up the opportunity…one of them said flippantly…I’m glad, it seemed too good to be true…. there will be other chances.
It’s been about four days since I made the decision to turn down the opportunity…. it turns out when I started to scrutinize it a little closer…the gold was just cheapie glaze over an earthen vessel…. there were a couple of chinks in there….
I feel lighter, happier and my body and spirit is whole again….
Is there a moral to this story…actually there’s none.
I’m blogging about this so I can remind myself to listen a little closer to my instincts… possibly be a little less trusting, question a little bit more, attempt not to wear my heart on my sleeve much…and yeah…put that yoga mat to use more frequently…:):)
Love , Peace and Fros